The past few weeks the tension and anxiety has been at an all time high as we are faced with this Covid19 pandemic. It almost seems that even at work when everything feels normal in many ways there is a thick heaviness that every person is carrying but not really talking about. We go about our days trying to act positive and “normal” while deep down our hearts are scared and shakin.
I started to experience anxiety and panic coming back after a few years of having it under control. I started to have nightmares and worry about keeping my children and loved ones safe. I started to live in the worry about what may happen in the future. Even though my practice is to stay in the present and to experience the anchoring of my breath when my mind creates the storylines. However the stories just kept coming every time I walked by the news on tv or every time I opened up Facebook. The anxiety was crushing and the depression started to seep in.
I stopped one day and sort of gave myself a pep talk, I said “Hannah, stop you are afraid of something you can’t control and something that hasn’t happened yet.” I argued back with myself and said “I can though if I cover up how I feel and pretend I’m not scared I’ll be okay” then again I responded “no you can’t you have to accept your fear”
This gives birth to the antidote – it all comes back to the surrender of acceptance. The surrender of what I cannot control and what I can. I cannot control the circumstances life throws at me only how I respond. Once I said to myself “it’s okay to be afraid and worried, you don’t always have to be strong” I think I’ve always felt that being scared presented as weakness and this was something I needed to examine in my heart. I now thing true strength is in the honesty or surrendering to our fears.
I also started asking myself questions when I was afraid. Questions like – is this a fear of the future, past, or present? What is the root of this fear? Is it truly your fear or are you taking on the fears of others? Can I sit with my fear and know that in this moment I am safe?
Recognizing and accepting the fear is okay. It’s okay to be scared and to feel out of control. However in the slow pause between each breath you will find the strength to be in the moment.
May all beings find peace inside their hearts today.