One of the things I struggle with most is the fear of not being in control. The idea that I can control my experiences has led to most of my suffering in life. The Buddha taught that flexibility and openness brings strength and that running from groundlessness weakens us and brings pain.
However the key is awareness when we start running from or start trying to manipulate and control are experiences. If we notice when we are uncomfortable we can simple state “This is uncomfortable hello anxiety, fear, boredom” or whatever feeling tone is showing its face.
Without awareness we will continue the cycle of running and grasping. We try to grasp on to things that will never be permanent like relationships, jobs, financial status, and even life. We want certain things to stay the same forever. We try in vein to control and end up hurting ourselves worse.
This is not to say you cannot plan or think about your future, just to be aware and live in the present moment every day.
Another thing we do to control is to try and numb out or escape. What behaviors do I use when I am depressed or lonely? What ways do I numb out when the change is to much to handle? Awareness of this allows room for growth and change.
This was exactly what I had to do to get through the mud, sit in it and feel, feel everything.
I started out using self harm as a tool to control my life at the age of 11, It gave me a sense that I could control my own pain instead of the pain I felt from my experiences. I don’t blame myself I was a child I didn’t know any different. Now I do though and now that I am aware I have the responsibility to be healthier.
The key is to never run just be in the experience, to feel is to be alive. I promise it’s worth it.