I remember being young and counting down the days till holiday, or another significant event I was excited about. I remember often just waiting for the minutes, hours, or days to pass till I could leave my home and go somewhere else. I was homeschooled for my childhood and when we had an event or maybe a field trip of some sort I would get really excited to see other children or just people. I would often create fantasies around what this event would look like. Day dreams would help pass the time and keep me excited. As the days got closer to the special event or trip I would get more and more excited. Now this seems like a normal human experience we all get excited about things we are planning for in the future, we all may day dream here and there or imagine what it will be like.
The key here is what happened to me if a plan or event fell through. I would be so upset and heart broken if the holiday was ruined or the fieldtrip was canceled. I may of known that it was because of a snow storm, or maybe someone got sick. It didn’t matter see I spent all those days, months, weeks, and moments, creating a storyline in my mind of how everything was going to play out. Does this sound familiar?
Now I learned at a young age that when I felt upset or something didn’t go as planned I could manipulate my feelings with unhealthy behaviors. I would self-harm, over eat, not eat, and eventually I would drink. However one thing I did not learn was how to accept life as it was in that moment.
So, now I know that I became so attached to these plans or events that I would often crave the unhealthy behavior whenever anything didn’t go my way. What an easy way to not ever be present with myself when I am upset.
What I have learned to understand to be true is that being overly attached to anything can cause harm to myself and others. Another word for this is clinging I grab on to something and basically suck the life out of it and when it leaves a craving to escape gives birth. So when we become so attached to an outcome and the outcome fails to go the way we want it to we give birth to craving an escape.
When we live this way we miss out on life and never learn to be fluid. The key to this predicament is acceptance and mindfulness. When I notice I am getting stuck or creating an attachment I remind myself to stay in the moment, “what right now can I be grateful for?”
Be kind to yourself and roll with the punch’s, practice being the rock in the stream controlling how you react and letting the rest go.